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How Peter Piper, the pepper picker, assaulted X, Y, and Z

You probably know Peter Piper, famed picker of peppers, from the children’s nursery rhyme:

Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled Peppers:
Did Peter Piper pick a peck of pickled Peppers?
If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled Peppers,
Where’s the peck of pickled Peppers Peter Piper picked?

— Peter Piper

But did you know that Peter Piper is actually just the “P” in a sequence of A-Z nursery rhymes that ends with Peter assaulting X, Y, and Z?

Here’s A, for Andrew Airpump:

Andrew Airpump ask’d his Aunt her ailment;
Did Andrew Airpump ask his Aunt her ailment?
If Andrew Airpump ask’d his Aunt her ailment,
Where was the Ailment of Andrew Airpump’s Aunt?

— Peter Piper

And here’s M, for Matthew Mendlegs:

Matthew Mendlegs miss’d a mangled Monkey
Did Matthew Mendlegs miss a mangled Monkey?
If Matthew Mendlegs miss’d a mangled Monkey,
Where’s the mangled Monkey Matthew Mendlegs miss’d?

— Peter Piper

If you feel bad for the mangled monkey, just look at what happened to X, Y, and Z!

X Y and Z have made my brains to crack-o:
X smokes, Y snuffs, and Z chews tobacco;
Yet oft by X Y Z much learning’s taught,
But PETER PIPER, beats them all to naught.

— Peter Piper

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A fizzics lesson